The sun is shining like a clever simile in the sky, spunky tulipsare nudging their way out of the dirt, animated bluebirds are singingin my ear, and quite frankly, it's distracting me from all the miseryin the world.
This is not a good thing. It's nature's flashy way of saying,``Look! A butterfly! Pay no attention to the eroding soil thatthreatens the future of our planet.''
Every minute we spend frolicking with bunnies is a minute thatwould have been better spent worrying about all the awful tragediesthat might-but probably won't-befall us.
Many people will tell you it's pointless to worry. They make upquotable sayings about how worrying accomplishes nothing. But thoseof us who fear say, smallpox, on a regular basis will simply bebetter prepared when the disease strikes us. It's those grinning``Don't worry, be happy'' fools who are going to be caught shortwithout a vaccine handy. And if the smallpox doesn't kill them, theshock of us triumphantly screeching ``I knew it!'' will.
Besides, don't the people telling us not to waste time worryingworry about wasting their time on us? Ponder that, and ponder theseconcerns of mine. Apply them to your own life where possible:
If the globe is warming, why are Chicago winters still somiserable?
Should I have this mole
removed?
What if I'm drafted to fight in a country I think is near Turkeybut I'm not sure?
What if somebody miscalculated the Y2K bug and the nation'scomputers crash on the Fourth of July?
Can I get cancer of the big toe?
What if I'm not gaining weight-what if I'm just swollen?
How will the decline in male sperm count affect me?
Am I exploiting my cleaning woman?
Is it too late to be discovered by a Hollywood agent?
Should I have started lying about my age five years ago?
Am I pro-genetically modified crops or anti-genetically modifiedcrops?
Is it wrong to enjoy the smell of
gasoline?
Are fisheries being exhausted? If so, where is my dad going to geta new hobby?
Have I been mispronouncing my name?
Where are you supposed to recycle batteries again?
What if they discontinue my favorite lipstick?
What if I'm not as smart as I think I am? Or worse, what if I'msmarter than I think I am, and I've been squandering my genius?
How long does it take second-hand cigar smoke to kill you?
In a crisis situation, I'll be the stereotypical whimperingcoward, won't I?
Did my new teak endtable contribute to the demise of therainforest?
Can you get lead poisoning from No. 2 pencils?
What if I missed my true calling-to be a dancer?
Are our pets just patronizing us?
Is ketchup considered a natural resource, and are we almost out ofit?
How can you tell if pesticides are in your food? And what ifscientists discover Cool-Ranch Doritos are bad for you?
What if I've lost my mind and I just don't realize it?
Can I really get warts from worrying?
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